New Ways

STRONGSVILLE — My plans in life were always easy to accomplish… Never Grow Up.

When I was young I would stay awake until the sun came up and then turn off a growing pains rerun and fall asleep until my friend Shawn would call me at 1:00 pm to wake me up to watch the show wishbone. This was probably the summer of 8th grade going into 9th. I wasn’t out getting hand jobs or smoking grass. I was either watching Snick or apologizing to God for masterbating so much.

In my high school years I experimented with being a loser, an alternateen, an unknown, a punk, ska kid (90s), all the while loving Jesus and not giving a shit what anyone said.

The following years are swallowed up by putzing around & going to a pointless art school. I smoked a lot of cigarettes and learned a few truths of the world.

I proceeded to drink around Cleveland until I met my girlfriend. And for the next couple of years the world was ours. We slang booze for a living and went to New York City when we wanted or down to the beaches of the Atlantic.

At some point after that my girlfriend became my wife and we started to visit places like Gettysburg and Salem. Our life got to continue after marriage, it was just she has an office job for a famous restaurant in town and I run a screen printing shop.

I stay up until 3 am most nights and wake up from the alarms in cell phone. I check my email and listen to Howard Stern first thing in the morning.

I use to think things don’t really change.

I’ve smoked cigarettes since my senior year of high school. I started smoking pipes with a friend of mine and since I was 18 I would buy my girlfriend her Camel cigarettes. One morning I stopped off at the gas station that is no longer there and decided to pick up a pack for myself too. 13 years later I picked up a pack of toothpicks and a patch instead.

That was 6 months ago. Soon, things would start to change.

According to the doctors, 3 months ago I knocked up my wife. I’ve known about it for 2. It’s been hard to not talk about this as it is what I’ve always wanted, to change the world one kid at a time.

I broke down shortly after learning the news and told my old college roommate. And like true television fashion he excitedly confessed the exact same news. In fact both of our wives separately estimated the same due date.

This has been my B.C. life. Before Child.

Now a new adventure starts…

(adventure is a bad word choice, I’m writing this outside the dressing room of a Maternity Motherhood)

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Little Guy Looks Like A Demon

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